No need to sell your soul with today's flexible financing.

That's right, you can now lease your soul. With God and Satan constantly vying over the billions of souls now on planet Earth, each is looking for a way to have the higher box score, even if only temporarily. God has always gotten big jumps on Easter and Christmas, but Satan has to simply rely on human fallability and the temptations of the flesh to up his score.

That's why he invented the Lease Your Soul program. Now you can temporarily gain needed powers or attributes while Satan posts a short term jump in the infinite struggle between good and evil. You need only forsake your "dark gift" at the end of the term and swear on your eternal soul that you'll never exercise that "gift" again.

Case Study #1:

Judy wanted beauty and leased her soul for the night of the Prom. She was ravishing and danced with all the most popular guys. At the stroke of midnight, she retained her beauty, but swore that she would never again use it to attract others lest she forfeit her eternal soul. Now Judy wears sweats and oily brush down bangs all day every day and savors the memories of her dreamy prom night.

Lease With An Option To Fry

If Judy chose to become a super model she could do so at any time. All she need do is relinquish her soul to the pit of Hell upon her death. It's that easy!

Case Study #2:

Sadaam wanted power at any cost. He could have simply sold his soul, but he chose to lease with an option to fry. He gained the power he needed to take over a nearby country and Satan posted big numbers over that fortnight. Now Sadaam has relinquished his international powers, but should he ever want them back, he can have them, nukes and all. What'll it cost him? Only an intangible, unprovable, nothing called his "soul."

RePOSESSION:

When you choose to exercise your "dark gift" after the lease period, you will suffer "reposession." It's an eternal state of damnation, but it doesn't start until you're dead, so who cares. Carpe Diem!

It's so easy, even a baby can be signed up. No blood, no pain, simply fill out the form below and you'll hear from us a.s.a.p!

"Nick" Name:

E-Mail (optional):

Religious Affiliation (e.g. "Carnivore"):

"Dark Gift" you yearn for (check one):

Wealth Beauty Health Immortality Artistic Talent & Success Sporting Talent & Success	Success in Amway Political Invulnerability/Moral Laxity Lose 40 Lbs. in 40 Days Understanding of the Opposite Sex Understanding of Your Pet Infinite Wisdom, Almost*
Unconventional Wish and/or further specification	* All knowledge (except how to twist this deal to your benefit) is available on CD ROM. MacIntosh only.

Lease period 24 Hours 48 Hours1 Week1 Year

Oh Hell, make it for life and you can keep my damn soul!

Be aware: Your submission will probably receive a fairly immediate "incomplete" or "not allowed" message. This a bogus ploy by El Jefe upstairs. Just another transparent attempt to steer you from making an autonomous decision. Pay no attention. Your basement-level buddy WILL receive your plea.

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